Sober. Curious?
By Andy Fenner
“I’m never drinking again.”
How many of us have muttered these words, as we clamp a hand to a pounding head and roll over onto an empty pillow?
Blanket up. Curtains closed.
The day can wait for this hangover.
The strange thing is, well, we do it again, don’t we? We do drink again. Of course we do. We drink again, we wake up again and we say those words again.
“I’m never drinking again.”
Blanket up. Curtains closed.
This is the interesting thing about alcohol. The fascinating thing about it. We know it’s bad for us, but we continue to do it. It’s totally understandable too, when you look at society and the way that so many occasions are linked to booze. The way that culture and advertisements weave alcohol into most storylines.
Celebrating an anniversary? Bottle of bubbly. First date? Share a bottle of wine. The game is on? Let’s crack some beers and watch it. Heartache? Have a drink. Promotion at work? Have a drink.
It’s always there and it always helps. It helps to decrease social anxieties and it helps to alter moods. It helps to relax, it helps to laugh and it helps to forget.
It does, until it doesn’t.
In my case, I wanted to spend some time really looking at my relationship with alcohol. Really asking, and listening, to why I was drinking in the first place. I wanted to know what would happen if…well…what if I sat with my feelings a little bit longer? What if I spent time wondering my way out of them, instead of turning to a bottle? What if I consciously chose not to drink, every time I normally would? “I’m never drinking again.” What if I, like, took those words seriously? What was waiting for me on the other side?
Now, let’s be clear. I’m not here to preach about not drinking. No. I try to approach every day with more curiosity than judgement and this is the attitude I wanted to adopt with alcohol. I do not believe giving up alcohol is necessary for everyone.
But it was necessary for me.
The first thing I noticed was how hard it was. Really fucking hard. The awkwardness and self-consciousness of being the only person not drinking (I was always the only person not drinking) was tough. Restaurants were particularly tough. To be totally transparent, it’s still tough.
But I gained so much. If that awkwardness was the price of admission, it was the deal of the century. In return, I gained the mental clarity and strength that I have always wanted. I developed patience and a less critical eye. I was more creative (a particularly interesting observation, as I always subscribed to that twisted-artist-scribbling-into-a-notebook-late-at-night-with-a-bourbon fantasy.) I was more comfortable with my inner critic; something I have struggled with, in the past. I gained physical health too. Stronger. Fitter. Leaner. More energy. Sleeping like never before.
I found a version of myself that is undoubtedly better for everyone who meets me.
Restaurants remain a challenge. Seeing a well-curated wine list is triggering, as I let my mind wander to a crisp glass of Chablis or a chilled Pinot Noir. Things I used to love. That cooler box at the party, packed with ice-cold beer? That’s still hard. Watching people nurse a Negroni, in a hotel lobby, leaning back into a leather-backed chair brings on real longing.
The thing that brings me back is: that it’s just not worth it. Not for me. I get to be the best father, husband, brother, son, uncle and friend I can be, and I get to do it all not despite sobriety. I get to do it all because I am sober.
If any of this intrigues you, consider researching the Sober Curious movement. It is a growing wave, with more and more people turning a lens on themselves and their relationship with alcohol. If you do decide to explore sobriety, here are some of my favourite non-alcoholic options:
LEAVE YOUR SWORD KOMBUCHA:
This kombucha features on several Unbookables restaurants’ drinks menus. Cafe Remouillage took me through an entire pairing, with their food and it was brilliant. Read the full Cafe Remouillage review here.
AMBIJUS:
I love this drink as a wine alternative. It is complex in flavour and packaged in a way that makes me enjoy opening, and pouring, some. Find it at Chenin Chenin
UILTJE BREWING:
It’s always nice to see a small, craft brewery putting some time into an alcohol-free beer. These dudes are making a really good one called The Superb Owl. Their IPA is also very good – the team at Bar Carter serve it ice cold and in a very cool glass.
GOOD JAMU:
A new favourite non-alcoholic alternative, for a kick of functional botanics without the hangover.
For loads more options, check out Nix&Nix. They have a really well-curated offering.
Sober. Curious?
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Similar Tastes
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Amsterdam East, Café Remouillage, Celebration, Date night, Eat at Bar, Fine dining, Kombucha, Natural Wine, Non-Alcoholic Pairing, One to Watch, Simplicity, Unique Experience, WineCafé Remouillage
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Kaap & Tein